Sex in a Dorm … Not Cool
Disclaimer: The following article contains foul language.
Who knew that I would almost get into a fight over sex? And I wasn’t even participating.
Let’s be clear. I’m not advocating for any particular philosophy regarding sex, making love, hooking up, whatever your preference. Sex is different for every person, but I’m certain single travelers who are on the road for months at a time view it much differently than people back home. Desires are natural, and people act on them, including me.
Still, there are ground rules that should be taken into consideration that maybe this 18 to 20-year-old chap from England I encountered in Thailand didn’t understand. I’ll attribute it to his emotional immaturity.
It was April, and I was in Ko Pha Ngan for the Full Moon Party. This is a monthly celebration known around the world for its debauchery. Thousands of people go to Sunrise Beach to drink Mekong Whiskey out of buckets, jump over a flaming rope, swim in an ocean that’s most likely composed of more urine than water … Basically, all sorts of things that can be labeled under the category “Bad Decision.”
However, I chose to take part in the celebration right on Sunrise Beach at The Party Hostel (yes, that’s the name). Part of the room price includes a free bucket of an alcohol of some kind and a mixer of choice. Black out curtains are over the windows in the dorm, and people are generally sleeping at all hours of the day except between 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.
A couple of nights before the Full Moon Party, I was playing the drinking game Kings with other people in the hostel. I noticed my roommate from England brought back a girl with him. He escorted her upstairs. You can let your imagination provide the rest of the details since I don’t know what happened in the dorm room.
About an hour later, he emerged from the dorm room, and the girl left. At the time, I thought, “Great job, bro.” But the circumstances changed two hours later.
This English boy began to chat up one of our other dorm mates, a 21-year-old English woman. When a group of us decided to go to bed, they decided this would be a great time to hook up in the dorm.
A few minutes of hearing the rocking and squeaking of the bunk bed was enough for me to get pissed off enough to leave the dorm room. I wasn’t the only one either. A woman from Chile also joined me, as well as the English woman’s friend.
After some collective bitching, we decided to go back to the dorm room together. Apparently, the sex had stopped, but the offending couple moved to a different bunk bed. This only made things worse …
My drift into sleep was interrupted with “Will you two stop shagging?!”
The English woman’s friend was upset. She was in the bottom bunk underneath the alleged action.
“We’re not shagging! We’re only spooning!” her friend replied.
Cue the tears. “I’m trying to sleep, and I can’t because you two are bloody shagging!”
Bickering commenced for two minutes before an Israeli man tried to stop the fighting. He offered to have the friend sleep with him (not sexually), which she declined. Then, an Irish guy entered the argument.
“I’m going out. You can sleep in my bed,” he told the English friend.
She agreed, and the Irish guy left to continue partying. If there were any disputes after this, I didn’t hear them. I had finally drifted to sleep.
I completely forgot about the incident until the next night. I was drinking outside the hostel with some friends when one of them introduced the English chap to me as “the guy who kept everybody up last night.”
The guy’s smile irritated me. He had no respect for any of the other people in the dorm, nor for what transpired last night and kept the majority of us awake.
“Hey man. That wasn’t cool,” I said.
“What do you mean?” he said. His slurring indicated he already had had a few drinks.
“Look, I don’t care that you hooked up, but that wasn’t cool to do that in a dorm. Get a private room or find somewhere else where you can be alone, like a bathroom or the laundry room.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see this guy’s friend coming toward me.
“What the fuck do you mean, mate?” the other English guy said. He was drunker than his friend. “You’re staying at The Party Hostel. Just listen, have a wank and enjoy it.”
“No, and I don’t care where I’m staying. I’m saying that there are better places to have sex where you can enjoy it more.”
“Fucking American. I’ll piss on your bloody flag,” the drunker guy said.
My friend intervened, and rightfully so, to quickly dissolve the growing animosity.
“Mates! It’s in the past. Let’s let it go.”
I shook the English chap’s hand. His drunker friend disappeared, and I was already letting it go, but I guess he felt I challenged him.
One night, I was hanging out with two Swedish women on the beach, when he emerged from somewhere.
My friends later told me that he tried to drag them away with such classic lines as, “He’s so ugly. Why are you hanging out with him?” (For the record, I completely disagree with the “ugly” statement. This guy clearly did not see my blue eyes, nor my charming smile.)
At most, his antics were childish, and that was the worst of the escalation between us.
So, why do I bring this up to risk sounding like a prude? Because there is an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t hook up in a hostel.
I don’t have a voyeurism fantasy, and I hate hearing other people having sex. I know I’m not alone here.
So, if you want to hook up, have some courtesy and don’t do it in the dorm. Be prepared beforehand.
I would recommend to have already rented a private room. If not possible, be aware of any locations in your hostel where you can be alone, or if you’re both OK with the idea, just get a private room. Then you can be as loud and wild as you want, and isn’t that what makes sex fun?